i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i out mim tonsoeep
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