I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
