I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize