and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
