It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
