Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
