Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
