So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
