you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
