after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
