I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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