It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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