So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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