i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
