Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
