I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize