She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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