I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
