...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
