I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
