those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
50% drunk capacity currently
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize