I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
