I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
