at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
