so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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