You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
