Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
