I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
