I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
