I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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