he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize