They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
