Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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