you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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