Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
