But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
