OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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