I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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