and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
