Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
