so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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