Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
