Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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