im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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