Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
