i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
