my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
