I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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