Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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