You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
