Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
