i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
