Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We named our party play list daddy issues
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize