It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
