Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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