so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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