You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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