hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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