My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
