dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
