At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize