OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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