i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
