All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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