It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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