Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
