do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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