Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
