I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
