five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
