So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
