then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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