U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
