she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
