OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
