as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
