look no pants
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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