she woke up with a sticky ear
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
