So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
