She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
