he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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