the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
