there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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