please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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