Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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