he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
