Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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