you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize