Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
