Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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