Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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