i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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