your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize