Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
