I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
