the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
