But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
