My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
