No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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