Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
