dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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