Kiss
Puke
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
